Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
