i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
