Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
