My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
