dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
