I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
