Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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