4 words: hood of his car
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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