Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
