What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
