Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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