i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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