no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
