i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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