So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
