You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
