btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
