I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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