things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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