About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ketchup is God's man juice
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I believe in your delicious
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
