Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
