Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no more duck duck goose at the bar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
