She's JV to your varsity
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
