Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
