Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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