so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Enjoy the penises
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
