yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
