Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
