Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
