I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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