i wish my penis had a tongue
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
