Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
