dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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