he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
