Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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