If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
