My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
