y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
