The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
