This is not my ceiling
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
