just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
