i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
