We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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