i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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