When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
