Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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