summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Semen is not good for contacts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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