i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
