just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
