I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
