My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
