Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
