This house was built for laser tag.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
