I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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