I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
