I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
