He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
