Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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