Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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