If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
