I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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