And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
