I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
