Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
