Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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