Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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