shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
