It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
