everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
