Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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